It’s been almost 5 months since my mother passed away. I have been thinking for quite some time now that I should write about her. The question was what do I write about her? How do I summarize…well, my mother?
I suppose I could write about
the risk she took leaving her family and even her country behind and going to Germany…to
the unknown…at such a young age…seeking a better life for her dear ones and
herself.
Or maybe about the romantic she was. About how she met the love of her
life in Germany and started her own little family.
I could write about the hardships she endured, managing a full time job
and bringing up three children without a support system.
You see, there are so many different sides to my mother. I would have
to write quite a lot to cover what I know about her. And even that wouldn’t
tell you everything about her.
This dilemma caused me to postpone this blog entry. Today morning,
while I was thinking about her on my way to work, I remembered something and
felt that THIS was the best way to remember her.
“It’s alright” (Saaramilla in
Malayalam). These must be the words I heard the most from my mother.
Every time I was upset about something, she’d listen to my sorrows and
console me with “It’s alright”.
Each time when I thought that my world was crashing down on me, she’d
bring back hope into my life by believing. Believing that everything would turn
out to be alright.
Every time that I called her to vent about something in my life, every
time I was just itching to give people around me a piece of my mind….she’d
listen patiently and finally say “It’s alright. Leave it.”
She never encouraged me to argue with anyone, no matter if I was right
or not. She’d agree with me alright…but asked me to leave it. Because it would
be alright.
And for some reason, it helped. I knew what she would tell me even
before I spoke to her. And I’d argue with her about her advice. How can things
be alright? Why should I leave it? But like she said, in the end, it would be
alright and no one else had to be hurt / offended because I finished venting
with her.
God only knows what my relationship with my people would have been
right now if she had not stopped me all those times.
It was not just me. During the last two months that I spent at home in
Kerala, I heard many people tell me about their experience of pouring out their
sorrows to my mother and that they felt better just by hearing her say “It’s
alright”. And they believed it too.
But say what you might, right now, I feel cheated in life. I feel
cheated of having my mother around for at least another 20 years, cheated that
she will not be there physically for many milestones in our lives.
Right now, I’ll close my eyes and imagine her holding my hand, gently
stroking my hand with her thumb, and telling me that it will be alright.
Maybe it will be. I hope so.
