A few days back, Timothy called me a devil. Yes, you didn't read that incorrectly, he did indeed call me what you read.
What lead to this epiphany of his? The fact that I decided that it is more important that others think well of my children than the children thinking well of me.
His explanation was simple. The devil hurts people. Neither his grandparents nor his father hurt him. So, they all are 'good people' in his books. On the other hand, Mommy is the person who scolds and hurts him, especially when it comes to doing homework or sitting quietly during prayer time.
He might not have said what he did, knowing how I would have felt hearing it....but it hurt me a lot. I spent the last few days wondering and thinking about this. Was it really worth it? This disciplining? I could also choose to be in their good books. All I have to do is turn a deaf ear and a blind eye towards them when they are making noise and are hitting each other during family prayer and not caring about trivial things like homework, right? Simple!
But no, it isn't that simple. For me, it is also very important that no one looks at my children and exclaims "What rude children! Don't they have any manners?". That is important to me, maybe not for others.
I have mentioned in an earlier entry about what discipline means to me, especially in terms of bringing up children. I myself realised at a later stage that my father was doing me a favour by being strict about my upbringing. But even I grew up feeling bitter about having strict parents. Maybe so will my children. And maybe they will someday realise that I don't have anything to gain by people thinking that they are good children.
Till then, I will continue to be the bad mommy, the villain in their lives...and hope that it doesn't break my heart.
Don't worry about it. You need to take a hard stand against children sometime. Not that I know of anything about bringing up a child but now that I look at my parents and see what they did and did not, I realize it. You will do fine :).
ReplyDeleteThis just reflects my thoughts. Anushka wants Appa everytime Amma scolds her. Well, I guess in the long run it is good for everybody concerned to continue the way we are. Do not forget there are moments (at least a few a day) when they also tell you (in their own way) that you mean the world to them :)
ReplyDeleteI understand how this is like. Ashwin wants appa and ammama too when I try and "discipline" him. Sometimes its so frustrating. But hey, one of us need to do it, right?
ReplyDeleteMelanie,there are days when am I told '' I don't like u'' from my dear son ..... And yes it has brought me to tears and made me feel guilty too.
ReplyDeleteReading this blog made me realise that there are others who go thro this....
Yes dear ,as u have said,we better bring them up the right way .... thats what God expects from us . Thanks for sharing....