Sunday, October 24, 2010

My elder sister

I think everyone around me has fond memories of summer vacations, spent at their paternal or maternal homes, along with lots of cousins to play with....memories of games and pranks and meals and lazy afternoons.....

Those things did not come easy for me. The fact that I was the 2nd child of the youngest son to my grandparents, and thereby the 26th of 28 cousins didn't help much. I had no one at my same age and my other cousins spent more time with the others since most of them were either 1) too old and had children of their own or 2) all in Bangalore. The only ones around me were my own siblings and I had already spent enough time with them throughout the year. Holidays in India were meant to be spent with the other cousins.

This post is for my cousin....L-Jo, the one I could say I am closest to. No, not J-Lo, but L-Jo. :-)

The very first memory that I have about her is me complaining to her mother, my aunt, that she preferred playing with the other cousins and not with me (I must have been around 6 or younger) and her getting a few beatings to "be nice and play" with me. She still complaints about this to no end. The "games" I wanted to play were simple. We used to wear straw mat sarees. Not that you could wear them like sarees, but then....after the beatings, she'd play pretty much anything I wanted to.


We actually got close after my family settled back in India and she came to spend her
summer holidays with us....all 2 months. With no other cousins for her to choose over me....we bonded over never-ending chats at night that lasted till my mother would warn us from the next room. We'd sleep in in the morning, trying to avoid any work my father would surely throw at us.

We enacted scenes from Hindi movies...you know the ones....heroine receives upsetting letter from hero, runs to her room, throws herself on the bed and cries....those ones....This particular scene was repeated a zillion times, running from a 10-15 feet distance and finally landing on our bed.

Finally, when I completed my academics, I moved to the city and stayed with my aunt for 2 years (of which a short stint I stayed in a PG - more about that later). We continued bonding over weekend shopping, evening walks, stories, dumb songs.... We went to GK Vales to get my "proposal photos" taken - those are still hidden and apart from my parents and Lindo, she's the only other person on earth to have seen them. We learned to drape sarees and learned to walk to church in them...we were each other's company on Valentine's day...

For me, she's my big sister cum best friend. Okay, not much of a big sister but the age gap is perfect and we get along so well.
If someone was to continuously listen to our conversations, they'd get bored after say 3-4 days. Mainly because we still laugh about the same things, the same stories, the same songs.

Its been a while since I have been in touch, but I remembered her a few days back and missed her lots and I thought I should share this with you all.

Love you L-Jo....God bless everyone with a relative like you.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I was tagged!

Last Movie You Saw In A Theater:
Toy Story III. It was a surprise for the boys and we all loved it.

What Book Are You Reading:
Just finished reading a German novel called Josephine based on Napolean's wife's life

Favorite Board Game:
Life

Favorite Magazine:
I like reading Prevention and housekeeping mags

Favorite Smells:
The boys after their bath with baby soap and then covered with baby cream.

Favorite Sound:
Silence! With two boys like the ones at home, that is the only sound I miss

Worst Feeling In The World:
Anger in all it forms. Its an ugly feeling.

What Is The First Thing You Think Of When You Wake?
OFFICE!

Favorite Fast Food Place:
Anyplace that feeds me and brings a smile to my face

Favorite Child’s Name:
We named our children accordingly.

Finish This Statement. “If I Had A Lot Of Money I’d…”
Stop worrying about a lot of things and start working on the future that we want to have.

Do You Drive Fast?
No, I don't drive.

Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?
I don't, Husband does, I AM the stuffed animal when I sleep after dinner.

Storms-Cool Or Scary?
Totally in love with them. Especially when I am at home in Kerala or in the car with family.

What Was Your First Car?
The first car i remember travelling in was a Honda Accord.

Favorite Drink:
Plain water from the well at home in Kerala

Finish This Statement, “If I Had The Time I Would …..”
do so many things. There is so much I'd like to try out new in life

Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli?
Not very hot on eating veggies....

If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Colour, What Would Be Your Choice?
There's nothing stopping me now....i don't want to. My hair has a natural copper shade...due to lack of oil

Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In.
Including holidays: Bonn, Cologne, Frankfurt, Hildesheim, Netherland, Trivandrum, Bangalore, Chennai, Ooty, Mysore, Kanyakumari, Cochin...not exactly much.

Favorite Sports To Watch:
Gymnastics

One Nice Thing About The Person Who Sent This To You:
She's so lively and passionate about things in life.

What’s Under Your Bed?
Dust.

Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again?
Not too sure. I think, given a chance, I want to be reborn as an eagle

Morning Person Or Night Owl?
You mean, when i like being awake? Never.

Over Easy or Sunny Side Up?
Both are fine.

Favorite Place To Relax:
A swing would be perfect

Favorite Pie:
Warm apple pie with ice cream!

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
Chocolate

You pass this tag to:
Jennysdad, Suyasha, Pravs, Iqbal, Cres, Sajesh

Of All The People You Tagged This To, Who’s Most Likely To Respond First?
No clue. The last one will be Pravs for sure.

Blessed are those with good friends

Friends are gifts from God. No doubt. Through the years I have been blessed with quite a number of friends who have a special place in my heart. I will later dedicate blog entries for them in chronological order, but right now I have to write about one of them...in my list of what i'd call "best friends", she's one of the latest additions....she's been in my life for 4 years now....well, almost.

You meet new friends in all walks of life. School, college, hostel, work....this particular friend and I crossed paths on the internet. Before you shake your head in disbelief about what a dumb thing it is to befriend people one doesn't know, let me let you in on the details.

Let me take you back to the year 2006. Armed with the new knowledge that I am expecting a baby, I decided that I will learn every darn thing about pregnancy and will not be clueless about anything. My search led me to many sites but the one I liked best was www.babyfit.com. It is generally an American site, but there are many women from all over the world (like me) who have joined and are exchanging their knowledge, experiences, problems, joys about the one thing we have in common....Motherhood.

Till Tim's birth, i preferred hanging around in my "due month" group - A group consisting of women expecting in Sept 2006, who are generally going through the same phase as I am. After Tim's birth, I started exploring the site a bit and chanced upon the "Indian Mommy" group. I had a warm welcome and was soon a very active member of the team. This is where I met this young lady, who became an indispensible part of my life.

The Alchemist (as she likes to call herself) and I realised that our birthdays were just 2 days apart and that we shared a love for Calvin & Hobbes and Garfield. Frankly, I didn't need much more to befriend her. We started mailing each other outside the website as well and were even soon known as the twin towers of the Indian Mommy team.

We "took our relation to the next level" on her birthday, when I called her for the first time and things just went on from there. There wasn't a thing in my life that she wasn't aware of and vice versa...We sent gifts and even cakes on our children's birthday and she was overjoyed for me when I told her that I was expecting again.

Now, there are often times in life when other things take priority. Children, work and all finally caught up with us, but a true friendship survives anything. I think there was a time when we were even too busy to mail each other apart from a monthly mail of "how are you and what's new". But nonetheless....we remembered each other every now and then and finally even found time to update each other regularly.

Now, Alchemist is living just around 5 hours away from my home, but....as you know...it's difficult to just pack up your kids and lock the house and go visiting....but we finally did just that. Last week, my 3 men and me went to Chennai and finally met my friend in person. We went to her home and ..... it felt like I was meeting her after a vacation and I just had to catch up with her. There was no awkward silence or silly smiles and chits with topics to discuss....we just got along great the same way we did over the internet.

I was glad that our sons all just started playing together and soon enough realised that their common language was English. They played and fought and shed some tears and watched TV, ate together and had a jolly time all together. Even Lindo felt like he knew them all when we finally got to meet her husband too. I am so glad that we finally made this meeting happen and I am so looking forward to having them over at our place some time soon.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A difficult decision

A few days back, Timothy called me a devil. Yes, you didn't read that incorrectly, he did indeed call me what you read.
What lead to this epiphany of his? The fact that I decided that it is more important that others think well of my children than the children thinking well of me.

His explanation was simple. The devil hurts people. Neither his grandparents nor his father hurt him. So, they all are 'good people' in his books. On the other hand, Mommy is the person who scolds and hurts him, especially when it comes to doing homework or sitting quietly during prayer time.

He might not have said what he did, knowing how I would have felt hearing it....but it hurt me a lot. I spent the last few days wondering and thinking about this. Was it really worth it? This disciplining? I could also choose to be in their good books. All I have to do is turn a deaf ear and a blind eye towards them when they are making noise and are hitting each other during family prayer and not caring about trivial things like homework, right? Simple!

But no, it isn't that simple. For me, it is also very important that no one looks at my children and exclaims "What rude children! Don't they have any manners?". That is important to me, maybe not for others.

I have mentioned in an earlier entry about what discipline means to me, especially in terms of bringing up children. I myself realised at a later stage that my father was doing me a favour by being strict about my upbringing. But even I grew up feeling bitter about having strict parents. Maybe so will my children. And maybe they will someday realise that I don't have anything to gain by people thinking that they are good children.

Till then, I will continue to be the bad mommy, the villain in their lives...and hope that it doesn't break my heart.